Well, Jane, its easy to be wise afterwards. I was writing about a learning experience, and the “why didn’t you” questions you pose, are exactly about the things I learned, so I do know what you write, but I didn’t know it when I had the experience I wrote about.

If you are – or feel like – the weaker paddler in the group, it is very difficult to impose yourself on the others, saying “I don’t accept …”, especially if the other paddlers have already taken off before you reach them. You cannot “make them wait” if they don’t.